News and Events
Facing Infertility as a Team:
Success Through Professionalism
With the recent increase of unfavorable stories surrounding surrogacy and egg donation, one might be led to believe that there is a backlash brewing against these forms of creating one's family. That is exactly why it is important for those of us involved in this specialized field to continue to educate those considering surrogacy and egg donation, as well as those who will be touched by it in some way. Most importantly, we must promote that surrogacy and egg donation is not adventures that one travels alone; instead, it should be viewed as a journey that must include an experienced crew and passengers alike.
Considering surrogacy can certainly be an emotionally daunting task for anyone. You must not only face your own inability to carry a child, but also face the fact that someone else will be carrying your child for nine long months without you being present each and every second of the day. Furthermore, it is that someone that you will need to understand and trust with your most precious cargo. Even with egg donation, you must learn to face that the child you (or your surrogate) will be carrying is not genetically your own . . . but a child who will be cherished by you and your loved ones all the same.
In my experience, the majority of surrogacy and egg donation arrangements that do not work out or fail at some point along the way, involve either independent situations (those arranged without the use of an agency) or unadvised situations (those arranged without the use of an attorney). Despite the financial considerations that go along with these arrangements, Intended Parents must protect themselves, as well as their Surrogate and/or Egg Donor, by working with a team of professionals who can guide them through this incredible journey.
One of the most important first steps is to get your own thoughts in order. If you are still unsure of how to proceed or where to look, the best advice is to ask questions, questions and more questions. No question is stupid unless you do not ask it! You can begin with your doctor, attorney, psychologist, best friend, family, or your local Resolve chapter. Just be aware that there is always someone to listen and talk with you, who has either years of experience handling related matters, or has personally dealt with a similar situation. You are not alone!
Next, you need to find the right team players. Just as in the NBA, a team will not make it to the Finals unless the right players advise and help one another along the way. This is not an path that one should travel alone. Just as you would not attempt to climb Mount Everest without the proper training, supplies and guide; surrogacy and egg donation is not something you want to approach without help and guidance from those who are experienced, dedicated and professional.
Of course, you will need a dedicated, warm and compassionate IVF physician who can provide you with the appropriate medical advice for your situation. Your physician must have a reliable, caring staff, an on-site coordinator, an on-site counselor, an experienced and qualified embryologist, as well as a well-equipped surgery center. Also, verify your physician's credentials and check what his or her percentage of births are in relation to the type of procedures that they perform. These percentages are not the sole indicators of their success; however, they are a good measurement tool.
Further, you must consider an attorney who specializes in the field of reproductive law. He or she should be experienced, dedicated and caring, not just an attorney who believes that they can draft up this sort of agreement with only minimal guidance. The attorney's office staff must also be caring and compassionate because they are often the ones you will call when you are depressed, upset or just need to talk.
Your attorney should be one who can advise and counsel you in this very delicate, yet legally confusing, area of your life. Certainly, an attorney who specializes in egg donation, embryo donation, surrogacy (both traditional and gestational), insurance issues, trust administration and even adoption is ideal. A knowledgeable individual as this can handle your dream of a child so that you will not have to hire a new attorney/counselor for each step in this process. Most importantly, you must remember that the legal portion of your surrogacy and/or egg donation arrangement is usually the most inexpensive cost that you will incur; however, it is certainly one of the most important aspects of your journey.
Equally, an agency is another aspect of your well-arranged team that should not be overlooked or chosen without some research. The agency should be well-versed, compassionate and willing to work with you throughout your questions, concerns and financial arrangements. The agency should be the member of the team that schedules all of the appointments, arranges counseling, and handles all of the endless footwork. Speak with the agencies that you are interested in; speak with their directors and visit with them, if possible.
In fact, since surrogacy and egg donation agencies are not regulated by the state or federal government as attorneys and doctors are, ask your doctor or attorney for a referral. You can also research their history on the internet via the many nonprofit organizations that are available or even through the Better Business Bureau. Remember, you should not be forced to sign an agreement before you get a sense of their focus, their mission, their advertising, their availability of donors and surrogates, their prices (including those that may not be listed) and their background. You will be trusting your agency to deal with some of the most important steps in this journey, and you certainly do not want an agency that is not reliable, honest and trustworthy.
Finally, you will need a dedicated surrogate and/ort egg donor to complete this picture. These are the individuals that will help you prepare for your new baby (or even babies). Good luck.
